A world without a healthy dosage of competition is not a world at all. Rather, it is a pitiful excuse of existence, a life without joy or purpose. One may believe this indication to be an exaggeration, but I assure you that this matter remains most pressing to me. Much to my delight, the months of March and April play host to a coveted event of the high school each year. I am of course referring to Clash of Classes, an occasionally riveting event hosted by Friends Academy, pitting 9th through 12th graders against each other to seek out the bragging rights of superiority for about a week after the event comes to a close.

Below is a brief recount of each event, highlighting the peak moments of the competition.

Spelling Bee

The spelling bee was as much as you would expect from a high school-level spelling competition. There was spelling all right – some instances were exceptional, while others were outright horrendous. The first round proved a breeze for the students, but as the rounds progressed, the freshmen, juniors, and sophomore classes were knocked out of round two, leaving the seniors to walk away with the win. Positively, the participants seemed to double in number from last year, the line to get to the mic swirling around the theater like a demented snake. Truly riveting stuff.

Trivia

Better than its predecessor, Trivia participants occupied the front of the theater, writing answers hidden to the audience on small sheets of paper, making it an extremely tedious effort to engage with the event. It proceeded as normal, team after team getting knocked out as the rounds continued. It all seemed to be rather simple until two teams stood at the forefront of the theater: The Freaky Pandas and an unnamed sophomore team. 

The two teams proceeded neck and neck, and in a candidly miraculous move, Paul Stelatto called for overtime, offering the chance for both final teams, The Freaky Pandas and Team Unnamed, to prove their wit and intelligence for a few rounds more.

Yet again taking the win, the seniors solidified their spots as front runners in the competition, the sophomores falling just short of a magnificent victory. Truly, the odds were in their favor, but a blunder with the board writing resulted in a devastating loss for the sophomore team.

Name That Tune

I was not present to Name That Tune, which is a blessing to all of the other grade levels. They wouldn’t have stood a chance against me. Regardless, the newly installed competition was, as I was informed, pretty alright. The seniors secured yet another victory, making it their third in a row in the competition so far. 

Capture the Flag

The freshmen won. No further elaboration is necessary.

Dodgeball

Teams scattered around the gym floor, warming up as the stands buzzed, waiting for their moment to begin. From the jump, the freshmen walked through the black patent doors of the upper gymnasium with a looming, confident presence unbeknownst to the rest of the high school population. The buzz died down as the announcement that the game would commence. 

This would be a game to remember, a fitting way to end The Clash.

Frankly, no game has been as scary, as enamoring, and as intense in the history of school dodgeball tournaments, which I assume is not a very long roster to compete against. Teams took to the floor ready to throw Quakerly conduct out the window, making for some real entertainment. I won’t go into depth – there’s a word limit now. The most important thing to note is that all grades were looking solid until the semifinals, in which the juniors were completely knocked out of the competition. The freshmen tried to pull a fast one on the refs, claiming that there was a discrepancy with the tally. Regardless, they were yet again caught trying to outsmart the game by using their out players to create a wall around the court. I believe the plan was to level the playing field by causing a diversion. Their efforts proved fruitless as the seniors swept the game, leading to the grand finale.

The time ticked out as the third period approached, the field populated by the two remaining teams, seniors versus sophomores. The crowd hushed (not really, but the dramatic rendition is still nice to think about) as the megaphone was sounded, opposing sides scattering to the middle in a heated frenzy. Once balls were in possession, all left was a few seconds where humanity was forgotten. The teams waited and waited. They did some more waiting after that. Suddenly, a beacon of hope in the perilous darkness flew from the hand of a sophomore, and the game began.

I got hit in the face once or twice by a few rogue balls throughout the entire tournament, but there was no game quite as heated as this one. I expected the match to go on for longer than it did. The sophomores tried to “assert dominance” by playing aggressively, but their efforts were perhaps too aggressive and not at all calculated. The seniors released a barrage of no-sting, rubber, and foam dodgeballs onto the sophomores, setting in stone the final, triumphant senior win in their fourth game, sweeping the Clash of Classes.

End Game Tally:

Seniors: 4

Juniors: 0

Sophomores: 0

Freshmen: 1

For those who either read the entire article or simply scrolled to the bottom of the web page, thank you. Also, know that next year, the junior class will sweep the games, making up for the blunders of this year.